These things i'll never say
by Iliketoomuchtohaveapropername
Summary: Credit to AlwaysACullen. I got inspiration from her story and she kindly let me do a rewrite.
1. It's easier than saying it

**Credit to AlwaysACullen. I got inspiration from her story 'These things I'll never say' and she kindly let me do a re-write. AlwaysACullen, I hope I do your story justice. Here goes.**

There are so many things I want to tell Beck. The only problem is I don't wanna seem weak. I wrote him a list instead.

The next time I passed his locker alone I slipped it inside. I also slipped in piece of paper in which I had written a song. Both the list and lyrics were entitled 'These things I'll never say'

The list says:

I love you so much I can't express it in any way.

I still get butterflies when we kiss.

I still get lost in your brown eyes.

I'm only jealous because I love you.

I care more about you than I do myself.

I love quiet nights alone with you.

I love it when you play with my hands.

I love it when you play with my hair.

I love **your **hair…a lot.

I can't wait to get older and see if you change.

I hoped he understood that last one, I hoped he got the hint. I wanted to marry him someday.


	2. Time to think

I made sure I wasn't with Beck the next time he went to his locker. I watched him from behind a trash can…ewwww. I watched as he picked up the note and read all the things I was too scared to say. I watched his eyes light up before he put it in his pocket. It looked liked the last one made him smile…I hope that means he feels the same way. I watched as he picked up my song. I hadn't put my name on any of these sheets, but I think he could guess. He chuckled slightly as he read the lyrics. I wasn't sure what he thought. Then he turned and walked to class. I followed, making sure the bell went so he couldn't talk to me.

I tried to listen but Beck grinned every time he looked at me. It was quite disturbing really. I decided to ignore him and focus on trying to make out what he thought instead.

Soon enough the lesson ended. I'd been good all lesson so I wouldn't get held behind where Beck could wait for me. I sped out of the classroom, not even looking at Beck. Then I practically sprinted to the grub truck, which got me some strange looks. I snatched my lunch from Festus and pushed back through the crowds to my secret little place; the janitors closet. Think what you want. It's always quiet and nobody ever knows where I am, it's win-win. I ate my lunch in silence till the bell rang for last period. I got tangled in the masses again as I made my way to class, hoping not to see Beck now until tomorrow. That would give us time to think, and I definitely needed that.


	3. Change of plans

I got home and dashed upstairs. I didn't want to talk to anyone until I got my thoughts straight. My phone beeped as I flopped down on my bed. I groaned when I read Becks name.

To: Jade

From: Beck 3

Hey, wanna meet up babe? xxxxx

I groaned again. Really? He wanted to talk about this? Now? I shut my eyes, going through my options. I could say yes, go see him and possibly say something stupid. OR. I could lie and say I couldn't meet up. I decided on the second one. It made me feel bad, lying to my own boyfriend. But I just couldn't talk to him, at least not yet. I tapped out a message.

To: Beck

From: Jadelyn 3

Can't. Busy all weekend, sorry babe. See u Monday. X

It made me feel horrible. Especially when I got his reply.

To: Jade

From: Beck 3

K. C u Mon.

I couldn't go out now. That was a stupid move Jade. Now I had to stay at home **all** weekend in case I ran into Beck. _Sigh._

I slept so I didn't die of boredom. For seven hours…and had a nightmare. I imagined Becks reaction. I imagined him rejecting me, laughing at me. I dreamt he hit me, made me feel afraid. I know why I dreamt that. My father. He made me the way I am. Believe it or not I used to be all sunshine and rainbows (that's why I'm friends with Cat) until I told my parents I wanted to be an actress. My mother supported me, she let me audition for Hollywood Arts. When I got in, my father was less than pleased. We became a dysfunctional family. Then my parents split up and my mum moved halfway around the world. My dad started beating me, then he re-married. Now I live with my dad, his wife and her yappy little rat-dog. That's my life. Tell anyone and I'll kill you!

I needed to see Beck. Now.


	4. Tomorrow at Karaoke Dokie

Grabbing my keys and phone I dashed outside to my car. I drove down the road as fast as I could towards Becks house. The closer I got the more nervous I got. I felt my palms get sticky (not sweaty, sweating is gross and I don't do it.) and my fingers start to tremble. Why was I so nervous? I rounded the corner and Becks camper came into sight. He was just coming down the steps and stopped dead when he saw me.

"Jade?" he questioned as I stepped out of my car.

"Hi Beck, listen I shouldn't be here but I felt bad about blowing you off so I wanna meet up tomorrow. At Karaoke Dokie. That cool?"

"Aren't you busy all weekend though?"

"Nah I can skip that."

"You sure?"

I nodded.

"Okay then, see you tomorrow. Love you."

I smiled and nodded again before pecking him on the lips, climbing into my car and driving home again.

Now I just had to prepare for tomorrow.

**A/N: I know this is veeeery short but I needed a filler chapter. I'll be posting the next chapter in like half an hour though so surely that makes up for it? xx**


	5. The End

Peeking out from behind the curtains I saw Beck come through the doorway. Thank god he was alone. I searched for any familiar faces but saw none. Good. Beck sat down at a table, I saw something glint on his finger. I smiled slightly realising what it was. It was the ring he'd bought. Across the top in thick black letters it said 'taken'

The MC introduced me as 'JW singing a song for someone special' I'd got Andre to record the right music and I'd written the lyrics to a song for Beck. It started up and I started singing, still behind the curtain.

_I'm tugging at my hair  
>I'm pulling at my clothes<br>I'm trying to keep my cool  
>I know it shows<br>I'm staring at my feet  
>My cheeks are turning red<br>I'm searching for the words inside my head_

_I'm feeling nervous  
>Trying to be so perfect<br>Cause I know you're worth it  
>You're worth it<br>Yeah_

I took a deep breath and stepped out on stage.

_If I could say what I want to say  
>I'd say I wanna blow you... away<br>Be with you every night  
>Am I squeezing you too tight<br>If I could say what I want to see  
>I want to see you go down<br>On one knee  
>Marry me today<br>Guess, I'm wishing my life away  
>With these things I'll never say<br>_

I shut my eyes and focused on the music instead of Beck.

_It don't do me any good  
>It's just a waste of time<br>What use is it to you  
>What's on my mind<br>If it ain't coming out  
>We're not going anywhere<br>So why can't I just tell you that I care_

_I'm feeling nervous  
>Trying to be so perfect<br>Cause I know you're worth it  
>You're worth it<br>Yeah_

_If I could say what I want to say  
>I'd say I wanna blow you... away<br>Be with you every night  
>Am I squeezing you too tight<br>If I could say what I want to see  
>I want to see you go down<br>On one knee  
>Marry me today<br>Guess, I'm wishing my life away  
>With these things I'll never say<em>

_What's wrong with my tongue  
>These words keep slipping away<br>I stutter, I stumble  
>Like I've got nothing to say<em>

_I'm feeling nervous  
>Trying to be so perfect<br>Cause I know you're worth it  
>You're worth it<br>Yeah_

_Guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say  
>If I could say what I want to say<br>I'd say I wanna blow you...away  
>Be with you every night<br>Am I squeezing you too tight  
>If I could say what I want to see<br>I want to see you go down  
>On one knee<br>Marry me today  
>Guess, I'm wishing my life away<br>With these things I'll never say  
>These things I'll never say<em>

I opened my eyes again and jumped. He was right in front of me. Before I had the chance to say anything he dipped down and kissed me. Soft and gentle, right on my lips. He pulled away and smiled his lopsided grin.

"I love you too." I breathed.

He chuckled.

"I know Jade. And I'm keeping the list."


End file.
